woke up from a seizure being accused of having called my father and told him mum was drinking

that did not happen, i accused her of no such thing until after the fact

since then i’ve found that mum has drank at least a litre of gin, a whole small bottle of brandy, and a bottle of bailey’s in just about 24 hours – i am under house arrest in the middle of the country, being told to “get it together” in the midst of confusion and memory loss and seizures

she’s called everyone she knows and has told them im lying about both of our conditions

she is hiding my personal items and has, without my permit, given my purse (including my ID and card) to my aunt Oona

i’m a grown woman, 21 years old, and i should have at least a certain amount of control over this situation

my father is telling me to stay away from her (rightly so) and has been semi-understanding, but he does not understand the basics of mental or physical health, least of all non-epileptic seizures

so tonight when, post-seizure, i blacked out and cut myself / attempted suicide by hanging, it did not help whatsoever to be told to get my act together, after my mother has told me that i’m the reason she’s been drinking for ten years

im scared and confused

i’m not being allowed to call people anymore, mum took the internet router last night and was too drunk to remember where it was – when she demanded i give it back to her today, despite not knowing where it was, i searched the house to find it and she accused me of taking it in the first place

i do not feel safe in this house, or with my family, anymore

i want very little more than to become more independent and leave them to stop worrying about me and my safety and health

even writing this post makes me scared of the consequences, and the reactions that might be provoked 

i’ve begged to be taken to the Psych Ward but i’ve been told i’m too sane for that and it’s better my alcoholic mother / aggressive father take care of me, even while withholding the medication that has proven to help with my seizures

someone, anyone please help

here is a link to my last post concerning my seizures

if anyone can donate so that i can start taking care of myself, please help me

signal boost if possible please, i’m very, very scared

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending good vibes your way.