Category: Good Morning Midnight

There was only the warmth, the opening in her …

There was only the warmth, the opening in her chest, the unfurling of a quiet intuition, a reservoir of love that had never been touched.

This connection had unsettled her before, had …

This connection had unsettled her before, had kept her away, but not anymore—not now that it was her last chance to be near him.

She was fighting an absence instead of a prese…

She was fighting an absence instead of a presence, and it suddenly chilled her.

There were so few things to hang on to. The un…

There were so few things to hang on to. The universe was an inhospitable place, and she felt fragile, temporary, lonely.

Gestures that he couldn’t actually claim were …

Gestures that he couldn’t actually claim were thoughtful, but that seemed better than nothing.

He’d loved her, of course he had, he could adm…

He’d loved her, of course he had, he could admit it now, but it wasn’t so easy back then.

What had all those afternoons alone been for, …

What had all those afternoons alone been for, if this was what came of it? All the work, all the sacrifice?

He would woo his test subjects diligently, spa…

He would woo his test subjects diligently, sparing no expense, no compliment, and when they had finally fallen in love with him, he would reject them. It was gradual at first—he stopped calling, stopped sleeping over in their beds, stopped whispering flattery into their lovely ears. The subjects would begin to suspect they were losing him, just after they’d decided they wanted him, and they would double their efforts to keep him. The sex would become more adventurous, and he would enjoy these gestures as they came, then shame them later for offering themselves so freely. The invitations to dinner or the cinema or the museum would become one-sided. Eventually he would stop seeing them altogether, would scorn them without ever saying so, without ever saying goodbye or even offering the conventional ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line. He would simply disappear from their lives. If they had the gall to go looking for him, he would make them feel insane—as if he had been halfhearted all along, or as if he’d never wanted them at all. He never felt guilty about any of it, just curious.

They were tired, but also invigorated. The pro…

They were tired, but also invigorated. The problem had woken them up, snapped them into the moment. They finally had something to do, a reason to pay attention.

It was almost impossible not to fall backward,…

It was almost impossible not to fall backward, to lose herself thinking of what she’d probably never see again.